I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
