i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
