Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
