Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
