I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
