belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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