Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
