I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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