hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just gargled with NyQuil
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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