New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
