Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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