The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
