i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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