You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
