i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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