We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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