She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
