I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I smell stomach acid.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
