will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
