so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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