Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
