walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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