chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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