Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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