And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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