is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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