its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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