i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
