I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
