I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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