11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
