The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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