ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
