Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
