I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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