if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
