I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
