she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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