She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
