All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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