Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
