Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
