There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
