And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
