Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
