I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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