Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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