Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
