For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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