i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
