just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i now understand why vodka
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
