omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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