they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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