I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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