It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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