If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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