how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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