i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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