So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
