dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
