Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
