I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
