She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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