In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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