The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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