In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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