i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
