You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
