but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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