I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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