we made out on top of his cat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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