you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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