Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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